This one is going to feel like a novel but it might be the last post before my surgery.
On Monday I did my last MRI - trust me, if positive thinking, peace of mind and praying is what it takes to get rid of this tumor it would be gone by now, and I was so hopeful that this could happen that I only paid for my surgery in advance, as required in France, after getting the results. I guess I still need to add surgery to positive thinking, praying and relaxing...
Nothing unexpected, the overall tumor size remains the same but the grade 3 portion (the dangerous part) grew about 20% in 2 months. No change to my prospects, the plan is still to remove it completely in my surgery with no predicted side effects.
The Battle
I am flying to the battle field on December 5, and all the arrangements have been made for me to win on December 13. We will come back on the 28th and if needed I will follow with additional treatment (physical therapy, chemo, radio etc).
One of the toughest things in all this has been what to tell my girls, to which I seem to become more devoted to the older they get. I am sorry to all other parents, but my girls are the best! Livia and I finally told them that we are going to France in 3 weeks, but we said it was for our Honeymoon! They cried a lot for all reasons (the toughest one being that I am not here for Christmas, the only time that I am with the family for a long time, according to Isabel), but my favorite ones were:
Isabel: "Not fair, you know I always wanted to go to France to meet the Fashionistas"
Isadora: "Not fair, we always had 4 people in the family and now we are only going to have 2"
Back to surgery...
I hope I pass Doctor Duffau's interview that will happen on Dec 7th. He only operates people mentally prepared to go through this, and from the smile on my Doctor's face in Brazil I think I am ready. I am confident I am among the calmest patients he's ever met.
I remain extremely positive and living my life normally, to the dismay of many people I run into that think Cancers and Tumors are death sentences - hey, I did when I was diagnosed. After, between me and Livia, witnessing 6 crimes in São Paulo in 45 days (this is not the norm, just bad luck), from bank robberies to policemen stealing bribes from policemen, I wonder if I should give the people of São Paulo the same look I get when I break the news that I have a tumor. We are all at risk, just different ones.
Advice: be careful with saying that positive thinking, faith, eliminating all sources of stress etc. can cure cancer/tumors - that is simply not true. Every time I am presented with treatment options I look for arguments against them. In this process I read a very interesting blog from a person that lost 2 relatives to alternative cancer treatments, and one quote struck me the most: most alternative cures blame the patient, not the treatment, for the cure.
There is a long-lived quote in marketing that states "only half of my marketing investments work, I just don't know which half". I now believe that in some cancers there there is a similar dynamic - state-of-mind, environment, treatment and most importantly the way one's body reacts to all these factors will determine one's prognostic, but the reality is we still don't know what leads our body to kill and heal itself.
I've been very transparent about my condition, the title of my blog is absolutely about this, we can live with glioma, but most people are not prepared to deal with the news. Thinking about the possibility of death, just like the unknown, is scary (to my Brazilian friends - quem tem cu tem medo), but trying to predict when and how it will happen is as fruitful as trying to guess next week's lottery results.
In the last few months I changed my habits a bit, the time I used to invest training for triathlons is now dedicated to reading and sleeping. I recently read one book about cancer (Anticancer), one about the brain (The Doctor that Cured her Own Brain), and am now reading the most fascinating one, Steve Job's newly released biography.
Interestingly Jobs always lived as if he would not have a long life, his intuition told him that. As a consequence he treated his time and priorities very preciously and the results are obvious - I think he gave his share of contributions to all of us. Like a portrait my Grandmother had in her house, "Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present". My condition is just a constant reminder of this, that is why I feel like I am better than before.
The Party
I want to thank everyone that is following this blog, from the bottom of my heart. Your messages, words of wisdom, prayers, positive thinking and offers, that many times brought tears to my eyes, are eternal and have made me very strong and positive, I am very grateful to all of you.
I am resolved to come back from Montpellier and have a huge party to celebrate life and you, the people I've been able to meet and stay in touch with. You've shown me how well I've been living my life and why I should keep doing it. I invite you all to do the same, always celebrate life, your family, and your friends. Remeber: Today is a gift!.
