Today I complete one year since I woke up inside an Airport Ambulance on my way to the hospital. This one year has been the scarriest, most intense and fullfilling year of my whole life.
I have learned more about myself and life in general in one year than I have learned throughout my entire journey on this planet. After thinking about what to write to "celebrate" my first birthday with brain tumor I decided to share the lessons I learned in this intense year. These are not set in order of importance but they are all important to me.
1. The Importance of Faith - I used to believe in God`s existence, but now I am sure He exists. Being closer to death made me as close to life as I have ever been. Life is a miracle and the sequence of events that led me to write this can only be explained by God's desire for me to be here;
2. The Importance of Family - Nothing has been more important through this journey than having the comforting presence of my wife, daughters, parents, in-laws and relatives throughout this journey. If I needed a strong reason to fight for my life they have given it to me, and the relentless optimism with how I face my condition is only possible because I get re-energized every time I see the smiley faces of my daughters when I get home.
3. The Importance of Friends - I have always kept a strong connection to my friends. The love and support they have given me has just been overwhelming (pause to cry). The way in which Livia and my College friends sent me to France for surgery (Força Patrick) has simply been the most incredible demonstration of affection I have ever received and I will be eternally grateful for the energy boost I got from it, not to mention all the incredible messages and support from all the friends I made in the US and the new friends I made at work in Brazil, who have been uncodittionally supportive.
4. The Importance of Fellow Brain Tumor Warriors - When I was at my lowest point right after being diagnosed I was picked-up from the ground by complete strangers. Liz (Liz Army), Jim Hewitt (RIP brother, I have not met you but you have helped save me), Scott Vickroy and others I have met through the Internet helped me understand that I might still have a lot of life ahead of me. While none of us are exactly sure about how much, we all ought to live life at its fullest until our time comes.
5. The Power of the Digital World - the Internet has helped me connect to very importamt people, has given me access to scientific papers that have helped me make critical decisions with the help of my doctors and has enabled me to help others, the original intent of this blog. I believe we are entering an era where people with common interests will finally be able to leave their differences behind and connect to work for the common good. We ought to leverage the knowledge sharing power of the Internet and digital information to accelerate the scientific gains in the fight for a disease free, long and great life for Humanity.
6. The Importance of Public Health Care - I had never been a supporter of big Government or Public Health Care, but there are things we need to socialize in order to create a strong society. As the IRS says in front of its building, "Taxes are the price we pay to live in a civilized society". I was saved by the Brazilian Public Health Care System, where I was diagnosed and which now provides me with "free" (I do happily pay taxes) chemo drugs, and by the French Public Health Care System, where I was operated at a significantly lower cost that it would have cost me to be operated in Brazil, even with Insurance. After reading stories about the personal financial havoc that Cancer can cause to people in the US I had to rethink my views on Public Health Care. Public Health Care is bad until we find ourselves caught in the sad side of the debate. Strong democracies socialize gains that benefit society in general, such as Education and Health Care, and privatize losses to those that have caused them. We ought to rething the direction in which the world is going, where Banks and Companies are rewarded with "Too Big to Fail" policies, socializing losses and privatizing gains to risk takers and bad managers, while Health Care and Education, the foundation for any strong society, become secondary.
7. The Liberating Power of Knowledge - Brain Tumor has kept me away from my old passion, triathlon, and I had to find a new outlet for my energy. I have been reading more that I have ever read in my whole life. My father has always been a role model, a self-made man that reads an average of 3 books a week and who instilled in me the passion for knowledge. I have never studied so much since I was a student, and I love every new discovery I make, from the History of Cancer, the History of Medieval Europe, Capitalism and the power of Democracy combined with the Rule of Law. I am now reading a book by Fernando Henrique Cardoso, the Brazilian President that transformed this country into what it is today. His "Brain Tumor" was exile. A fervorous Brazilian, FHC was extradicted during the Military Government and risked his life to come back at age 37 (my age at diagnosys) to help fight for a new Brazilian democracy. His defining characterisitic is his focus on the present with a relentless optimism and vision of how we can make the future better, because the future will always be different from the past.
8. Dealing with Suffering - I had always been a "chicken" when it came to dealing with bad news, such as death and disease. I have learned to live with both in a way that continues to surprise me. One of the first things I did to "test" my brain after surgery was to speak to unemployed executives going through Out-Placement at my father's office. The topic was "Every Executive has his Journey in the Desert". The types of journeys included things such as being laid-off, going through divorce, going out of business and losing a loved one. I was there to talk about dealing with a challenging health condition, and this was set to help me understand how I would react to public speaking as I knew I had a big one coming at my real job. It was the best feeling ever, I was fine to speak in public and most importantly was finally able to empathize with people that were also in very challenging situations. Having Brain Tumor invites people to talk about their problems, and the advice I always give is the same Winston Churchill gave England during the Second World War: "never give up, never, never, never!" Everything will be fine in the end, if things are not fine you have not reached the end.
9. The Importance of Priorities - Life is too short and unfortunately we cannot do everything we want. In order to enjoy all aspects of life, from family, friends, work and personal hobbies, we need to set limits, or one will take over the others. We will never have enough time to do everything we want, so being choiceful about where to invest our time is critical to a fullfilling life.
10. The Importance of Curioity - Never take answers for granted, often times things are done in certain ways due to a sequence of events rather than because it is the best way to be done. A mind that is focused on making things better will always find opportunities for improvement, even if you are an Engineer in search for answers on brain tumor. If you can't find an answer remember that Human Progress has only been possible because some people decided to never quit until they found answers to their questions.
Thank you all for the support and love given to me, I hope these thoughts help me give a little bit back to you of all you've given to me in the past year.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
It's a good day to be alive!
Today was a very good day. Woke up early to go to my first post-glioma race, after a long night where I finished my first analytical research on brain tumor. For those than know me well there is nothing like sports or analytics to get me going.
I am creating a new blog based on my "scientific" discoveries, I want to generate insights for students or doctors that are getting into brain tumor research, I hope I can help open new avenues for research on brain tumor. This new blog will be called "We can think with glioma".
I ran a 10k with a good old friend of mine who was also a great runner but got off the wagon after getting married a few months ago. It was an incredible day, perfect weather, about 8,000 people running and a great route close to downtown São Paulo (Pacaembu). This was the first "run-only" race I've done and the energy was incredible, I think I am ready to set more ambitious plans, and I will create a sports blog to talk about my goals and achievements called "We Can Run With Glioma".
On Friday I had dinner with a good old friend. I was set to have beer with him nearly one year ago but disappeared and never got back to him with a meeting spot. I was hospitalized right after having a seizure and when he finally got hold of me I shared that I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. While stunned by the initial shock, he and his mom, who I am yet to meet, always cheared me up with very cool messages.
My friend shared with me a video that captures my feelings in a way I would have never been able to describe, check this out: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/stacey_kramer_the_best_gift_i_ever_survived.html
This is the same friend that shared with me 12 years ago a phrase I repeat until today when someone tells me they don't have time - "What separates us from death?".
He shared a moving story about a relative diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer, one of those with poor recovery prospects. I am sure I am butchering the details but I hope I got the essence. They consulted a psychologist to understand what might happen in that person's mind with that prognostic, and he shared that it depends on the person's attittude towards those last days.
Some people have the best time of their lives in that period, telling people they've dettached themselves from how much they missed and love them. They would also check-off their bucket lists or simply reject anything that was not fully endorsed by their hearts.
On the other hand some decided to die right there, living a life of misery and pessimism, forgetting that they still had precious days. months or even years to do the best they could with their time left.
What a profound impact attittude can have on anyone's life, wether with or without cancer. In Steve Job's biography he shared that he always had a feeling that he would die early, so he decided to use every precious second he had to change the world. What a success!
I really think we should all live like this before we are reminded of how much time we've divested making poor choices or simply not following our hearts due to lame excuses. We all have a mission or more in life, your heart will tell you where to go, be open because an unwanted experience -- frightening, traumatic, costly -- can turn out to be a priceless gift, just like Stacey Kramer shared. Thank you Stacey for sharing your experience, you have made the world a better place by choosing optimism instead of pessimism.
One of my favorite Esopus paraboles is the one about the fox and the grapes. The fox really wanted to catch some grapes that were too high for it to reach. Instead of figuring out a way to get to those grapes the fox told itself it didn't want grapes anymore.
Always remember that pain is temporary, quitting is forever, like my Mount Lebanon Caffeine and Cycling Club friends had taught me. Those nuts just finished the most painful bike race I've heard off (seemed worse than The Dirty Dozen!), the Diabolical Double. Hats-off to you my friends, I hope to join you again, maybe in the same shape you have seen me last. Yesterday I biked for about an hour searching for hills that replicated the same painful experience of climbing Mount Washington. I dearly remember when I climbed Mount Washington for the first time, then followed Liberty Ave. all the way to the Zoo, going into the long observatory climb to finally bonk at Greentree! Luckily those guys had a cereal bar to share with that inexperienced Brazilian that showed up to bike with them for the first time.
What a great time, I will never quit!
I am creating a new blog based on my "scientific" discoveries, I want to generate insights for students or doctors that are getting into brain tumor research, I hope I can help open new avenues for research on brain tumor. This new blog will be called "We can think with glioma".
I ran a 10k with a good old friend of mine who was also a great runner but got off the wagon after getting married a few months ago. It was an incredible day, perfect weather, about 8,000 people running and a great route close to downtown São Paulo (Pacaembu). This was the first "run-only" race I've done and the energy was incredible, I think I am ready to set more ambitious plans, and I will create a sports blog to talk about my goals and achievements called "We Can Run With Glioma".
On Friday I had dinner with a good old friend. I was set to have beer with him nearly one year ago but disappeared and never got back to him with a meeting spot. I was hospitalized right after having a seizure and when he finally got hold of me I shared that I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. While stunned by the initial shock, he and his mom, who I am yet to meet, always cheared me up with very cool messages.
My friend shared with me a video that captures my feelings in a way I would have never been able to describe, check this out: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/stacey_kramer_the_best_gift_i_ever_survived.html
This is the same friend that shared with me 12 years ago a phrase I repeat until today when someone tells me they don't have time - "What separates us from death?".
He shared a moving story about a relative diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer, one of those with poor recovery prospects. I am sure I am butchering the details but I hope I got the essence. They consulted a psychologist to understand what might happen in that person's mind with that prognostic, and he shared that it depends on the person's attittude towards those last days.
Some people have the best time of their lives in that period, telling people they've dettached themselves from how much they missed and love them. They would also check-off their bucket lists or simply reject anything that was not fully endorsed by their hearts.
On the other hand some decided to die right there, living a life of misery and pessimism, forgetting that they still had precious days. months or even years to do the best they could with their time left.
What a profound impact attittude can have on anyone's life, wether with or without cancer. In Steve Job's biography he shared that he always had a feeling that he would die early, so he decided to use every precious second he had to change the world. What a success!
I really think we should all live like this before we are reminded of how much time we've divested making poor choices or simply not following our hearts due to lame excuses. We all have a mission or more in life, your heart will tell you where to go, be open because an unwanted experience -- frightening, traumatic, costly -- can turn out to be a priceless gift, just like Stacey Kramer shared. Thank you Stacey for sharing your experience, you have made the world a better place by choosing optimism instead of pessimism.
One of my favorite Esopus paraboles is the one about the fox and the grapes. The fox really wanted to catch some grapes that were too high for it to reach. Instead of figuring out a way to get to those grapes the fox told itself it didn't want grapes anymore.
Always remember that pain is temporary, quitting is forever, like my Mount Lebanon Caffeine and Cycling Club friends had taught me. Those nuts just finished the most painful bike race I've heard off (seemed worse than The Dirty Dozen!), the Diabolical Double. Hats-off to you my friends, I hope to join you again, maybe in the same shape you have seen me last. Yesterday I biked for about an hour searching for hills that replicated the same painful experience of climbing Mount Washington. I dearly remember when I climbed Mount Washington for the first time, then followed Liberty Ave. all the way to the Zoo, going into the long observatory climb to finally bonk at Greentree! Luckily those guys had a cereal bar to share with that inexperienced Brazilian that showed up to bike with them for the first time.
What a great time, I will never quit!
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